We’ve all been there. We are caught in the middle of two important events in our lives and they happen to land on the same day and time. What do we do? We have to make a choice. But we don’t like having to choose because we want to do both equally. We avoid making these choices because it’s hard for the losing party to accept that they’re not as important as the winning party of our attention. We don’t want to disappoint anyone. We want to make everyone happy. This internal conflict can be solved by understanding your five-year priority list and making sure others know as well.
What is the five-year model of shifting priorities? I’ve learned from experience that every five years we have to take time to reflect about the previous five years and plan for the next five years. A good way to know when to do this is if your age ends in a five or a zero. Five years is a great metric because it usually occurs at the mid range of each decade of life. It also happens to align with the ten-thousand hour rule of mastery. Ten thousand hours of work at a full-time forty hours a week totals about five years of work. This makes it an excellent period to reflect about careers goals and direction as well. Five years fits into the model of four-year cycle for full-time students in high school and college. It gives students a buffer of one year to decide what they want to do next after completing a four-year cycle or allows extra time to tie up any loose strings to meet their academic goals. I’m thirty-five this year and I had to initiate my own five year reflection and plan.
I like to ask myself questions. What has gone well in the past five years? What did I discover that I liked and did not like? I realized I didn’t like working full-time in an emergency room. That work is so stressful and ramifications on my health, mental health, and relationships are immeasurable. It’s difficult to wrap my head around how much that type of work hurt me because it was all I knew. It wasn’t until I got away from it all and experienced work in a setting of very low stress that I rediscovered peace in my life that I had forgotten. I knew I had to get away from the industrial-age model of a forty hour work week. I wanted to free my time and still make the same money. It was three years ago that I decided to start a business and it’s making me a very decent profit each month. I’m rapidly moving toward my goals of being debt free. I want to live my retirement now and not when I’m too old to get into the club and dance. It’s safe to say that my priority in the past five years has been to generate more income. I’ve more or less succeeded and have discovered what my strengths are and how to spot an opportunity when I see it. I’ve had to learn this skill through trial and error and the school of hard knocks. I risked all of my own money and bootstrapped my business to generate product revenue to finance my own projects and products. I see that I’m on track to get where I need to be financially to free more time. Now I got to decide what I want to do with that time.
What is the priority for my next five years? My son is now thirteen years old. I think the next five years will line up with his journey in adulthood and I need to be there. I have my own dreams and aspirations of long term world travel but it’ll have to wait. That is not my priority now. I also want to give my relationship with my son more time to catch up on everything I missed while prioritizing money. It’s safe to say that the five-year model of shifting priorities is helping me decide the direction of my life and what to focus on. Sometimes what’s important during my early thirties is not that important in my late thirties and I find this to be the case. We all have this fear of missing out. I always believe the party will be there. If I decline time with my friends in favor for my son then they will just have to understand that my son is more important than they are. In the same respect, if I want to demonstrate commitment to a romantic relationship I have to show that I am prioritizing the relationship over my work, hobbies, or other priorities.
There are some priorities that should never be substituted. What I mean is that we should always prioritizing our own health. What good are we to others if we are pleasing people to the point of making ourselves sick? Exercise and eating good food is all it really takes to check this box off. Sure, there are some important events that may make me miss a workout but I make sure to never miss it twice in a row. That is a very slippery slope when you compromise your priorities. I have to be sure make it clear in my head about what I want to achieve and make that the dominating part of my actions for these five years.
Tell everyone what your five-year priorities are. By letting other people know what your focus is, you keep yourself accountable by having other people reflect back what you said to them. They would also have a background understanding of why you are making the choices you are making. Sometimes that may mean they won’t invite you to a concert. Sometimes that may mean maybe they won’t invite you to a vacation trip. Don’t take it personally. They’re being respectful to your goals. On the flip side, there’s people that are more self-serving and place their own immediate desires before your long-term ones. They tempt you and guilt trip you into doing what they want to do because it makes them feel good for the moment. They want to distract you from the long-term goal because deep down they may be jealous and do not want you to succeed. It makes them feel better about themselves to see that you’re giving up on it to be where they are and living the same life. If you really want to change your life, you should start avoiding these people. You are after all, the average of the five people you spend the most time with. What is your five-year priority list?