“I love your energy” the patient said to me. Despite her clear body language of intense pain and facial grimacing, she felt something strong enough to make a comment. What was different today?
I normally work remotely from home. Whenever I’m in a financial pinch, I pickup a shift at a local emergency room to make some extra cash. The post-traumatic stress from eight years in the emergency department has not fully healed. I still get very anxious and find myself having trouble sleeping and constantly imagining a doomsday worst case scenario that I’ve already experienced several times. Each one more psychotic than the last. To dissuade these negative emotions I perform a ritual that puts a spiritual shield for my next shift.
The day before my shift, I only allow positive stimuli in my environment. I watch inspiring shows or movies. I listen to positive self-help books on Audible. I go for a walk in sunshine and take off my shirt to get the full energy and vitamin D production from my body. I eat healthy as a baseline so that always helps my mental focus and body. I make sure to decrease phone stimuli and put the phone on airplane mode. I conduct image training of the best case scenario. I put out all my clothing, tools, badge, and keys on my bedroom table. I pre-pack my lunch so I have food and water for my shift. I make sure I have at least a 30-minute wind down before going to early. This usually consists of Yogi nighttime tea and a tablespoon of honey. I read some sci-fi fiction book on my Kindle and let my eyes get heavy. Then I go to sleep focusing on relaxing all the muscles in my face and then move downwards to the rest of my body. When I awake, I have everything prepared so I can go straight into a positive Audible book while driving to my shift.
Things are never as bad as I imagine. The imagination is capable of far worse. But the mind can only pull information I feed it. I remember that everyone wants to be heard and they want people to care about their health and feelings. I make sure to make eye contact and make noticeable pauses and stop working to engage in active listening. It’s all too easy to be looking at a screen and holding a conversation but I’ve had enough experience to know what kind of message this sends subconsciously to my patients. I had such a wonderful shift. It was busy for sure, but my inner world was as calm as a windless day on an Alaskan lake. This projected outwards and had a calming effect on those around me. My work was suddenly much easier. My patients were more understanding. I complimented coworkers who were strangers the hour before and they were more likely to help me later in the shift. The spiritual lasted through the end of the shift and all the way home. By the next day, it was gone but it had served its purpose.
I believe there are some spiritual gurus that are able to keep up this shield indefinitely. It is a skill. At my level, I know what I need to do to get it up in one day. Although I try to maintain it, there’s something about Western culture that cancels its effects. There is so much pain here and the small sparks get blown out before they can grow into beautiful flames in their hearts. Don’t give up. Keep trying. That’s what I’m going to do.