In March earlier this year I weighed in at 177.6 lbs. Being 5’10”, that doesn’t sound terrible. I’m not morbidly obese. I’ve always been a skinny guy. My weight normally fluctuates around 165 lbs. I was surprised only because it was the first time I weighed myself in six months. I recall I was not exercising or eating right. I was recovering from a lower back injury and left knee pain. My exercise activities was running and weight lifting. Not being able to perform either activity really took a toll on my self-esteem and body image. This is an early red flag for a death spiral I wanted to avoid.
Injuries can produce a vicious negative feedback loop. I got hurt. I took time off to recover and for the pain to go away. The pain never went away. Because of that, my mood was effected. My relationships suffered. My performance declined. My ability to think became clouded. Slowly, things start turning south. I wouldn’t say I was unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I was simply stuck in this cycle of pain and my counterintuitive mind knows that resuming exercise would solve these problems. But the pain prevented me from trying. Vicious cycle. There’s nothing in my lifestyle that requires any kind of vigorous physical activity so my strength declines and expanding waist size largely went unnoticed. My body just adapted to the sedentary work I do from my computer and occasional walking required in outings. Everywhere I went my knee ached and my back pain flared. I was always looking for a place to sit down and rest. I was becoming an old man at just thirty-four years old. This doesn’t sound right. I felt something was off and as I stepped off the scale that day, I realized what was happening. I was becoming old, tired, and fat. I needed to intervene, quick.
With all my reading about habits, I decided to apply everything I learned into starting the elusive healthy habits. I started with diet. I chose one meal to change. Lunch. This meal will be the anchor for the cascade of changes I wanted to make in my life. I decided on Tim Ferris’ “slow-carb diet” and I wanted to see if it would work for me. I tried so many “healthy” recipes from his book. The idea of eating beans, veggies, and beef everyday sounds like a horrible way to survive. But I made it work. I made the meals easy. I hate cooking so I needed to food prep for a whole week with the shortest amount of time possible. Total prep time less than 30 mins, time requirement check. I threw together an impromptu concoction of black beans, ground beef, and spinach into a gruel-like consistency and added some spices. Taste not bad, flavor check. Then I sealed about 13-14 servings into 9×12″ vacuum seal bags and throw them into the fridge. When I get hungry (queue), I get a bag and throw it into the microwave and press ‘2’ for two minutes, sealed bag in all. If I’m lucky, it doesn’t explode before the two minutes are up. I cut the bag, pour it into a bowl and bon appetit, easy check. I started eating this for lunch everyday and ate whatever else for breakfast and dinner. It worked because it was easier to heat up this meal than it was to go out and pickup fast food. That was the key. Make it easier than going out or ordering and it can be a habit that stays. Then I naturally started changing my breakfast to be the same as well. Eventually the dinner. I finish the week with a glorious cheat dinner on Friday and whole cheat day on Saturday. I feel this works best for my social life. Keep me sane and I’ve stuck with it for eight months. It’s my new default setting and I eat this without even thinking about it anymore. Diet check.
None of my previous pain remedies were working for my back and knee pain. I needed professional help. The physical therapist I normally went for random pains adopted a new business model which I suspect is related to burnout. She hired new physical therapists and assistance to ease her workload but the quality of the experience suffered. I looked for a new physical therapist nearby and it wasn’t cheap. I chose a PT that does crossfit, looks like is in shape, and had a non-traditional approach toward the body. Specifically in the form of the power of breath and its ability to change entire physical structures. After six sessions, I was feeling better but not 100%. I was invited to a moderate level backpacking trip which would be a real test for both my knee and back. I was so scared I would injure myself on trail and there’d be no one around to help me. I played scenarios in my mental theater that I had ruined the trip for everyone with my weak body. Although my legs almost failed me, shaking violently during the final decline toward the campgrounds. My knee and back held up. I felt as if I had conquered an impossible obstacle. That feeling of triumph over the chronic pain I suffered is indescribable. I felt like I could do anything.
After this life-changing experience in Yosemite I was on a mission to get in shape. I had dialed in my diet but now it was time to get my exercise habits on fleek. I was embarrassed by the performance during the five-mile hike with a thirty-pound pack on my back. I slowly resumed my running at baby intervals of thirty seconds fast-walking and two minutes slow walking. Extending these intervals to one minute, then two, four, five, until I ran for an entire twenty minutes. I transitioned to run distances of one mile, two miles, all the way to three miles. I now run three miles one to two times a week gauging my knee and back. Then I started lifting again. I started from a complete novice with the bar, focusing on safe form. I took baby increments of five-pound increases each workout for squats, bench, press, and deadlifts. I’ve finally regained the majority of my former strength and would consider my strength to be “normal” for my weight and height. It’s been twelve weeks since I started running and eight weeks since I started lifting and it’s starting to feel good. Real good.
I noticed the subtle changes happening since I’ve developed habits of consistent diet and exercise. I noticed that my energy is much more stable during the day. Before I used to have a much more labile energy level usually revolving around excessive meals or sugar and caffeine. My thinking is becoming more clear and ideas come more readily. My books are showing increase in revenue and profits. My spending habits have decreased. I’m improving my relationships with my son and family. I feel more readily able to handle any type of life stress that comes at me randomly. I’m not as easily disheartened by a setback or disappointment. I do notice I’m more in touch with my emotions. I seem to feel more intently with a tenderness toward others and my own thoughts. I’m not sure if I like it but I think it makes me more human to that respect. My ability to hold onto a vision of the future is stronger. I feel like I am procrastinating less and doing things ahead of time to free my time and energy for leisure activities. All good things. So I think it’s worth it. If my lazy butt can do it, so can you.