Parents are so smart. Mostly through experience, they are wary of the circles their children roam in. They can decide whether a friend will be good or bad for them. I recall on several occasions in middle and high school that my worthiness as a friend was judged solely by my GPA. We’ve all heard the saying we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I am aware of this fact and trying to change out those five people proves a much more difficult task than I had imagined. As a natural anti-social introvert, I’ve struggled with this obstacle for years. Where do I start? How do I go about it? Where are these more financially successful and happier people I keep hearing about? Luckily, I found a clue to the first step in this changing of the guard. It starts with here and now.
But first I must reflect. Who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to become? What would I be doing if money was no longer a necessity? Through these thought simulations I recognized that the contents of my thoughts are swayed in large part to my emotional state. When I am excited I imagine grand and lofty ambitions, travel, and activities. When I am calm and tranquil, I imagine serene and peaceful undertakings with nature and reading. When I am lonely I may imagine a world where I am surrounded by happy people sharing an experience of a lifetime. Sometimes I long for a project worthy of my complete focus, energy, and my obsessive personality. Lacking any direction and insight on the matter of these questions, I allowed time to bake the problem into my subconscious and wait for answers. It’s been awhile and there are mundane parts of life where I lose my enthusiasm. This is one of those moments. I need to go back to the basics.
When I am uninspired I read books. The most recent include: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. The ideas that connected in my mind are the concepts of a person’s maximum social circle being roughly 150 people and the loose connections between people. The loose connections is a concept that Duhigg described using Rosa Parks as a case study. He explained that her inclusion in multiple community organizations provided the fodder needed to ignite the civil rights movement through the loose associations between those organizations. Using Harari’s description of a 150 person limit of personal relationships, each individual acted as a thread in a collective social fabric that connected all the communities together. This allowed them to move in unison under a strong leader, Martin Luther King Jr. How can I use this knowledge? If I want to change my social circle, I have to get involved. The connections I make at first are but gateways to the social fabric I want in the distance. They call it networking, but I think it’s an important note that you don’t mingle without any real plans or goals. I think setting a worthy ideal is first and foremost. But sometimes, like in my case, maybe I’ll figure it out on the way.
I’m looking into seeing what’s available in my own city. I knew there was a city hall and my experience with them has mostly been to renew my business license and pay parking tickets. I never paid much mind to the structures of my city, the organizations, and how the system is setup. To be frank, I simply didn’t care because it didn’t effect me. Well, that’s changed a little bit. I’m approaching the limits of what I am able to do alone. I need people. I know that and my partner agrees. My partner is a natural social extrovert and I’m seeing the value in her associations as I plan for her birthday party. She can easily get fifty people to show up where I’m lucky to get five. I guess my personality type is not designed to seek social affirmation. Considering I have an extremely limited social media presence confined to business and job profiles, I think maybe I enjoy peace and privacy. So I’m thinking I should join the chamber of commerce and start going to their events. I think at least showing face could provide some value in the long term that I can’t see right now. Once I automate my business revenue, I’d have more time to explore these opportunities and reignite my passion for people. Keep hustling.